Captainblogsparrow: Soft, Smooth and Silent- Pure Bliss

Imagine you found the most beautiful person on earth. (From a guy's POV), she’s extremely desirable and easily the most amazing thing ever happened to you. Imagine you are on a classy Black-tie date with that person you always wanted to be with. IMAGINE! The elegant lady in a bright red outfit, beautifully done hair and make-up flaunting a sparkling piece of jewellery laced round the neck. Well, I repeat, IMAGINE! The luxurious dinner followed by sipping expensive champagne and later on you choose to dance to a romantic tune. You hold her tight in your arms and spin her around and that was it, the moment of a lifetime. Looking deep into her eyes and right when you were about to speak your heart out, you smell something strong, pungent, decomposed and extremely disgust. You know for sure what it smelled like, it smelled like FART! Also, you know it wasn’t you! :-D (Yeah, did that just shatter your clear stream of lovely imagination into pieces?) Yeah, what you guessed is right. The topic is Flatulence or the passing of intestinal gases via. Anus, or simply, Fart ( Hell yeah! I had to search that definition out from Wikipedia). Few, real life, awkward moments when the gases escaped out of arses, at inappropriate times and places.

All your friends are sitting around the table and you're speaking to one of them and putting across a serious point, without a flicker on the face the friend of yours lifts one of his butt cheeks and drops it back... That’s the #1 in the list, its smooth, soft, silent, pure bliss. And the expression on his face like, nothing in the world has changed. The whole table is blessed with the ultimate warm fragrance. This can be a spoiler at various situations. Ayub, a close friend of mine- extreme foodie-Eats literally anything. Yeah! Likewise, his farts are so bad; people can guess what he had for his previous meal! He adds on to the irritation factor when he pretends to smell his own fart, look at us and say, “Ooh! The aroma, the texture, the profound nature of it all, this is shear art of genius encapsulated in a gaseous form!”. Well, that’s usually followed by,” You Nasty F*ck! Your insides must be rotting and deteriorating to produce a foul smell like that! What the hell do you eat!?”

The other day, This super hot senior female at college, she finally sat close to me at the exam hall. No, I wouldn't write the exam, instead stare at the amazing piece of beauty right beside. Just then I hear a soft sound. Sound similar to that of gush of air blown out of the balloon. It sounded funny, but, it couldn't be her. Oh god please! Not her! The very next moment she shakes the bench there and makes noise out of it (Probably to shadow the sound of her fart, unfortunately I must say, COMPLETELY MIS-TIMED!). Well, ever since, whenever I look at her it’s just her fart that rushes to my mind. – Sorry if I’m being rude, but, I'm working on controlling the thought flow into my mind!

That’s enough of it with the human gas of disgust. Well, few friends of mine – group of gorgeous looking girls had been to an estate to spend the evening and chill after a long week of never ending project submissions and seminars. Sitting on and around few benches provided for the visitors there, the view of the cattle grazing and sprinklers spraying water and the rich prosperous greenery was a perfect solution to melt down all the stress of the busy week past. “We ‘all were listening to Addy’s hilarious stories and having a good time. That’s when we heard this bizarre sound from the lawn where the grazing cows were. It sounded like normal humane burp (more like a amplified version of a burp, extremely loud!). All of a sudden, it felt like we were at the Pearl Harbour and the Japanese attacked us with some intense, warm, extremely intoxicating, pungent odour. The stink reached one-by-one to each one of us, in seconds and it felt like the air brigade of the Animal Flatulence was hunting us down one after the other. The odour finally reached Addy who was super excited-ly explaining her hilarious episode. Nobody spoke a word to one another; all went on “Mission Aborted!” mode and raced away to safety from the Japs!” – explains Aileen, one of the gorgeous girls in the group who was kind enough to give us an explanation on the role of Fauna under the title Farts! And the spontaneously funny, Addy added, “You think life was hard? Survive a Cow fart!” :D

Well, to conclude with, I’d like to say that, if the female farts and you felt disgusted, then leave her for the good, because you never really loved her. But, if you still like her or you finally get so comfortable with a girl that you can fart freely when she’s around, MARRY HER!